the reason for the season

Hi all! I'm back! I'm sorry it's been awhile since i've posted (though i'm not sure how many people really noticed). hehehe!

I had a couple thoughts come to me tonight as I rolled around on the floor with baby Beckett. Yes, that's right; rolled. He rolls all over this house like a little log now. Anywho, I got to thinking about how my husband was right last night. just this once.
He was playing with Beckett and getting him to laugh, like somehow only Daddy's can, and then said the most honest, true thing I have heard from him, to date, [except maybe, 'Bri, smell this. My socks really stink today".  *sigh* ...Accurate.] With a grin from ear to ear and a belly laugh, he said, "My goodness. Baby laughs could cure cancer, I swear. I love you Beckett."
So, I go ahead and scoop up my melted heart off of the kitchen floor. I sent a silent 'thank you' to God for sending me my boys, MY boys, the loves of my life, and thought about this holiday season for a bit, watching them play around our little decorated Christmas tree. As the holiday season is now in full swing, I just want to put in a friendly reminder of how important it is to just be thankful. Be thankful, laugh, & give.
I know a lot of people worry about the quantity of gifts they give to each family member. People worry about what their decorations look like in and on their homes. We worry about if a "sufficient" amount of money was spent on each person, and if we will, somehow, hurt their feelings. And we worry about the amount of time physically spent with others. We all feel the holiday pressure creep in on us from time to time. While this is all somewhat valid, we should really be plotting our points in the spectrum of the health and happiness of our loved ones, as well as our own.
To the point; Look around you. Are your children happy? Do their smiles and laughter fill up your home? Then who needs decorations? Who needs presents? Do your friends and family know just how truly loved and appreciated they are? Then who cares about how much money was on their/your gift card to Sears, or how many times you have seen them that particular month?
Baby laughter could cure cancer. Well, maybe not, but it sure cures so many other things! It's the refreshing reminder that they love you more than they can say. It's the unspoken gratitude, and it's the loving gesture that we need that says "you're doing a good job, Mama. And it's all going to be okay." Most importantly in this house, that laughter is the reason that I get up every morning and have a reason to live this life to it's fullest until the wheels fall off. If I do nothing else in this life, I will die knowing that I did everything I could to make others smile and laugh if they have good taste in humor. :)
Grab a laugh with a friend and share it. It's contagious, guys.
Until next time...

be kind. share. inspire.

So, over the course of the past year, a friend of mine that I was blessed to get to know while living in Florida, graciously introduced me to the "planner community". If you're reading this by some chance, you know who you are, girl.

I know right?...

That's an interesting sentence. Planner community? Well, what I mean by that is, just a fabulous group of people that literally plan... in a planner... and sometimes take the time to decorate it's pages as they go. Why am I telling you this? Well, I guess I just found it fitting (after yesterday's heart felt blog post) to kind of explain what I sort of look forward to weekly, and the hobby that I have found, to give myself a creative outlet. 

I know this may sound a bit weird to all a good majority of you, and that's ok. Believe me, I feel a bit "out there" when I try to explain it to some. ;) I have found that in decorating a weekly planner, that I have a much greater sense of organization as well as developing a way to create something for myself. I look at it like an energetic way to look back at all the things we were involved in, and a simplistic, yet entertaining way for Beckett to [someday] see all the appointments he had to endure to grow up big and strong! :)
I suppose it may be more effective for me to show you a rough example of what i've done in my planner...

As you can see, (or at least I hope you can), I track things like my daily water intake, when bills are due, when my favorite shows are scheduled to air, and also keep a list of places that I need to [find the time to] get to that week. I guess you could say that i've become quite the "sticker hoarder" over the last several months. ;) No shame.
Anywaaaaaay, the point of this blog post is simply to reach out. Reach out and share something that I feel passionately about, and get to feel free from judgment. I find it extremely important that we all find something for ourselves that calms us in the most stressful of times. Find something for ourselves that is in some way "therapeutic", if you will. I know that there's not a single person reading this blog that gets through their life without a way of coping, no matter how "embarrassing" it may seem. Well, it's probably not. I mean, I decorate a planner for crying out loud. ;) No judgment here.
It's true what they say, that we all are fighting a silent battle that others may know nothing about. My battle happens to be the loss of a child, and allowing my creative juices to flow again [through writing, and yes, planning] is not only helpful but uplifting.
What do YOU like to do when you're stressed, overwhelmed, or just need the wold to stop spinning so fast for just one second? No matter what it is, keep it SAFE, keep it HEALTHY, and share it with others. whether in a small conversation with your bestie, or a giant blog for the [facebook] world to see, like this "weirdo" here... <3 
You never know who you may inspire. Share. 

now & then

It's been a long while since my last blog post.
A lot can happen within a year, and a lot has certainly occurred in this household.

Since November of last year, Cameron and I have moved back to our home state to be reunited with of all of our immediate family members. He completed his enlistment in the United States Navy and has begun a new job not far from our home. This last year has been yet another year of hardships adventures for us; including moving states [again], Cameron finding another company to participate in, and being blessed with having another baby boy, February of this year. I have since become a stay-at-home Mom, to care for all of my family's needs.

Beckett, our 2nd bundle of joy, was born early this year, almost exactly the same gestation as his older brother, Cayden. Writing this now, I cry tears of grief for our first born, as well as tears of hope for the bright future of our second. And what a confusing and miraculous emotional moment this is.
Beckett was finally released from the Neonatal INtensive Care Unit (NICU), almost four months after he was born, and feeling like we were to ultimately relive the most horrifying days of our lives was difficult to swallow, to say the very least. But as a little strong brave family does, we carried on. We knew that all we could do in such a powerless situation was hold on with all of our might, stick together like glue, and pray.

It is no secret [well, maybe it is to some] that my faith had truly wavered for a time, after the loss our first born child. I couldn't see why I was being so blatantly punished. What I had done to "deserve" such a heart destroying loss. And though I may will never fully understand what the "lesson", "purpose" or "reason" behind our loss was, I DO know that I have learned something, reaching deep inside myself. I have learned that my body can take much more pain than I ever thought was possible. That my heart can hold more love than I ever thought could be felt. It is within our son Beckett, that I have found my reason for being upon this earth, to love him, care for him, and to teach him how to grow up and be the kind of man [like his Daddy], that instills that fierce love in others.
My children are my reason for life. And whether or not they are both here now walking beside me day to day, they teach me how to be a better person. They both teach me how to love with all of your might. How to be kind to everyone you meet, knowing well that you have no idea what kind of a hand they have been dealt in this life.

Our schedule as a family may look slightly different than that of other families you see. We are more home-bound so as to keep baby Beckett [now amazingly 7 months old], healthy and away from large groups to preserve his immune system, we get babysitters grandparents to entertain him so we can go to the grocery store, go to the post office or grab a quick meal, we frequent doctor's offices for check-ups, and have occupational therapists on speed dial... But we also have some "normalcy" in our home, if you can believe it ;) We love our movie nights; We binge watch Netflix, watch the popular television shows, attend some family gatherings, and we stick together like glue. The same glue that held us together through the biggest tragedy in our lives is the same glue that holds us lovingly together through the brightest of days. I can say that without the hope and love instilled in me from my husband & the miraculous love I have been shown daily from our sprouting, handsome baby boy, I would not still have a place in this world. And I am forever thankful that God has created them, especially for me. 

I can say, without a doubt, that my mind and body have been put to the ultimate test in the last few years of my life. I don't believe anyone but me will ever truly know how hard I had to fight for my life. Not only after the two intense, excruciating births I had to endure, but the pain of losing a child, and watching the next suffer with the same struggles.
And as I sit here today writing this to you, I can also say that I have since gotten back into touch with my God. A God that loves me so much that he pushed me and shown me how to stand on my own two feet through loss and discomfort.
It may take me some time to love all the quirky characteristics inside of me, but I know one thing is for sure... I am blessed for all that He has placed before me. More than ever, I welcome the journey. I am blessed.

Mommy & Daddy love you will all of our heart, boys. 

Always.